Infinity Takes

In 2016, Jackson’s love led us north. He lived in Eagle Rock, I lived in Burbank. He studied cognitive science. Me: audio. One weekend, Jackson and his girlfriend, Charlie, planned to go to San Francisco for Pride Weekend.

“Want to join?” Jackson asked.

Of course.

The driver would be Francis, a they/them college friend with a rock-band father and model mother. The vehicle? A $600 Crown Vic. Famous for its role as “police car” in a Foster the People music video. It had four spare tires, “BLM” spray painted on one side, “ACAB” on the other, prop A/C, windows that didn’t roll, a fender-to-fender dent, and a single door that opened from the inside.

No radio either, but Francis liked to chat.

As they drove, they produced a tube of chia seeds from under their shirt. Except these weren’t chia seeds. They were LSA. Like acid, but chewable. Supposedly, they took only 30 minutes to kick in.

“Less, if you chase with a lemon,” Francis said.

Two days later, the seeds were gone.

It went down like this:

7:30 AM: Wake up in outskirts-of-SF home

8:00 AM: Out the door to a party in The Mission

9:00 AM: Arrive at Mission mansion

9:01 AM: Say hello to the New Money Lesbians (NMLs) who own the place

9:02 AM: Refuse Kombucha offers (3)

9:03 AM: Meet the NMLs’ daughter and her friends

10:15 AM: Fourth kombucha offer (accepted this time)

11:00 AM: Party moves to the deck

11:03 AM: Real estate reveal: this house cost $10 million

11:30 AM: Dyke March is on the books for 1 PM

11:35 AM: Charlie finds body paint

11:36 AM: Boob-havers take their tops off

11:37 – 3:00 PM: Strict eye contact

3:00 PM: Meet in Dolores park

3:52 PM: Bag of LSA seeds comes out

3:55 PM: “Make sure you get at least a handful,” says Francis

4:00 PM: Dance break

4:15 PM: Group throw up

4:20 PM: Hallucinatory walk back to The NML Mansion

4:42 PM: Tears

5:00 PM: Charlie locks herself and Francis in a bedroom

5:01 PM: Scream session begins

5:40 PM: Jackson breaches the door

5:41 PM: Scream session concludes

6:00 PM – 8 PM: Group nap

8:05 PM: Brief snack

8:30 PM: Turn in for the night

8:05 AM: Wake up to Crown Vic with all four tires slashed

8:30 AM: Inform Francis, who’s been up all night on Logic Pro battling visual snow

8:40 AM: Drive Francis in the back seat to the auto shop

8:45 AM: Francis miraculously handles the transaction

9:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Tire change

11:15 AM – 7:00 PM: Silent drive back to LA

Jackson and Charlie broke up not long after we returned. As for Francis, they now post psychedelic guitar on SoundCloud from Venezuela, their new home after a year in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Names have been changed.